Posts tagged conversation

Asking for Directions

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1 year ago
by Paul Bailey in

"Direction" thanks to = lawrence =

Typically men don’t ask for directions. They’d much rather work it out for themselves. There’s always that sense that their destination will just be around the next corner, or the belief that you know exactly where you went wrong and how you will correct it.

It’s great when you do finally find your way and have a self satisfied feeling that you did it all on your own, even if it did take you three times as long.

Now for your challenge!

Ask someone for directions, even if you already know the way. Why?! I hear you cry. Well this is a great way to practise ice breaking with someone.

One of the most frequently asked questions I get during my group sessions is about small talk. Everyone seems to hate its futility and yet somehow seem to recognise its importance too. Indeed, starting with something light and easy to digest isn’t just a good idea when you are recuperating but it’s a great piece of advise for becoming skilled at the art of starting a conversation.

By starting small you can easily judge someones response and decide where to go from there. So, why ask for directions? It’s really just for practise, and that all! Just by stopping someone in the street and asking them if they know where the nearest ATM is, a local Hotel or a Bar helps you take that first step without too much trouble.

That first step is getting someone’s attention. A lot of people find it hard just to engage random strangers so by having a purpose to interact it makes it a lot easier. I’ll go into “purpose” verses “agenda” in the next blog post.

But for now, enjoy finding the way! You never know where it will lead

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If you are in central London you are welcome to join the group confidence coaching alternatively you can take up my offer of a free trial coaching session.

Keeping motivated with Why?

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2 years ago
by Paul Bailey in ,

I find going to the gym 5 times a week for just 30-45 minutes the optimum schedule for me. Now I realise this sounds like a awful lot! But remember it’s not for a very long time each visit.

I came to this routine through some trial and error and some honest conversation with my internal voice. Firstly I tried to go 3 times per week, which  is the recommended amount to gain benefit. However, the problem I found is that I would wake up in the morning and decide to have a rest day, promising myself I would make up for it tomorrow. By the end of the week I would be lucky if I had made it to the gym once or twice. I would end up feeling bloated and frustrated.

So the time came for some honest internal dialogue. Why, why, why!?

Questions that start with a why, usually require the answer to start “because”. During a coaching session, this can cause the client to subconsciously feel that they are having to justify themselves. So as I coach I try to avoid asking these types of questions unless I specifically want to explore with the client’s the true reason for their desire to achieve something.

Here is how my internal Why conversation went:-

  • Why do I want to go to the gym? –  Because it’s good for me.
  • Why is it good for you? – Because to strengthens your body and more importantly for me, my heart.
  • Why more importantly for you?- Because my mother died from a heart attack at 45
  • Why is that age resonating with you? – Because I have just turned 39 and I now realise how young 45 really is!
  • Why else is going to the gym important? – Because my father has vascular dementia, so watching my weight, cholesterol and keeping fit will help me avoid suffering from the same condition.
  • Why else is going to the gym going to benefit you? – It will help me keep in shape, which will help my confidence levels.
  • Why are your confidence levels so important to you? – Erm I’m a confidence coach, so if I can’t keep my confidence up how can I expect my clients to! :-)

So now, I go to the gym 5 times a week. It’s the right balance for me because I just do it every weekday and have the whole weekend to relax and recover. By using the power of “why” I was also able to add weight to the importance so that I kept understanding some of reason for going to the gym.

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