Paul G Bailey
Posts tagged body language
Being Gay in Business
32 years ago
by Paul Bailey
in Blog
Being out in business is a very sensitive subject. It depends on so many factors such as the industry you work in, the location of your office, the country you live in, the ethos of the company, the understanding of your boss and the position you hold.
No one else can decide whether or not you should come out in business except you. Then who you come out to can be just as confusing. Do you come out to people in your team or just a select few? Will it benefit you by being able to talk to your boss about what you did over the weekend without having to replace the pronoun with something more ambiguous like “my partner” or even worse change their sex altogether!
What is appropriate? Chances are if you work in a gay bar, hairdressers or another area that extremely gay friendly you don’t even have to think about it. But what if you work in a a shop, office or in manual labour?
It’s time to put yourself in their shoes. Think about how your relationship with someone would change if you were more open with them, but consider just how open you should be. A work mate may like to hear about how you went out to a party or club at the weekend, but not really the details of who or how many people you picked up! They may be delighted to hear you have a long term partner and how you had a quite pleasant weekend relaxing and shopping as this will give them something to relate to and enable them to indulge in a little small talk during work breaks. There is nothing worse than having to sit in awkward silence with people you have to spend 8 hours a day with.
One trick I have learned is to be honest and assume that they already know. If they ask about your weekend, tell them, without divulging too much detail; if you mention your partner, use their name rather than he/she/we. This simple act of naming a partner or friend suddenly makes them more real, rather than just some object that “dare not speak it’s name“. The second part of the trick is to assume they already know. This really is a killer tactic. Just by simply thinking “I don’t have to explain, as they already know” the pressure is completely taken off you and placed fairly and squarely on them. You’ll see their thought process often displayed on their face as if they have one of those LED banners scrolling across their forehead. Some of the messages you may read are:-
“Ooh, he’s Gay, oooooooh my god, he’s GAY, quick act cool, clearly I’m supposed to know, or at least he thinks I do, OMG he’s GAY, act cool, act COOL!”
“Bless, he’s gay, I thought he was, glad we have got that out of the way”
“…is he gay? He never said he was but he keeps mentioning some guys name all the time like that’s his partner… oh man I’m confused, I’ll just keep talking, maybe it will come out in conversation, he he he “come out” he he he, oh I lost track, what was he saying?”
“I knew he was gay, Barbara owes me a drink”
Whatever happens, you’ll have a pretty good idea if they want to continue the conversation or they have had enough. Either way just how much you reveal is always up to you. By reading the facial expressions/messages you can judge for yourself what would be appropriate.
Part Two: Body Language
02 years ago
by Paul Bailey
in Blog
This is part two of a 4 part mini-course on how to build your self confidence. To make sure you recieve each part as it’s published use the subscribe box on the left to have them sent directly to your inbox.
Have you ever wondered why some people can enter a room and command a sense of power? They might not have spoken a word but their presence is sufficient to make everyone else sit up and pay attention. These individuals aren’t necessarily tall, muscular or beautiful but they almost certainly have the knack of executing the art of positive body language.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, you use body language on a daily basis to convey your feelings to other people. By learning to use your body language to your benefit, you can enhance your self-confidence and the confidence that others have in you. Body language can help you to achieve success in your career, your business dealings and in your personal life. By understanding body language, you can also gauge other people’s perceptions of you and of the situations they find themselves in: in other words, you can read people.
Although body language is a science in itself and people have spent years studying and trying to unravel the exact nuances of non-verbal communication, there are definitely some key points to look out for when you’re presenting yourself to other people. In obvious situations like conducting a meeting, confronting a partner, or going for a job interview, the need for affirmative and self-confident body language is imperative. However, as people get to know each other better then the more subtle aspects of their body language can help to reveal even more about their personalities.
Your eyes can say a lot about you and, in terms of coming across well to other people, direct eye contact is a safe bet. This is universally regarded as a sign that someone is being attentive and is interested in what the other person has to say. By looking someone straight in the eye you are giving the signal that you’re being honest. Your arms are another giveaway when it comes to body language and this might be something you’re not even conscious of when you’re talking to others. By gaining some knowledge about the outward signs that your body uses to convey your emotions, you can then take positive steps to address these and try to portray yourself in a more confident and accessible manner. Crossed arms are a sign of defensiveness and this physical barrier that you are putting between your body and the person you are talking to can be detrimental in many situations. In contrast, holding your arms behind your back is a sign of confidence. So, next time you feel your arms itching to cross themselves, push them behind your back instead and watch your confidence levels soar.
The handshake is another body language sign that is open to much interpretation. As it’s frequently used in situations that might have a bearing on your professional or personal life, make sure you get it right with a firm handshake that exudes confidence. Shake someone’s hand with your palm facing upwards and you’re submitting to their authority; palm down and you’re trying to dominate. If you use both hands, then you might give the impression that you’re a domineering character, so don’t go over the top.
Next: Part Three: Dress to Impress
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