Paul G Bailey
Coaching Explained
Keeping motivated with Why?
02 years ago
I find going to the gym 5 times a week for just 30-45 minutes the optimum schedule for me. Now I realise this sounds like a awful lot! But remember it’s not for a very long time each visit.
I came to this routine through some trial and error and some honest conversation with my internal voice. Firstly I tried to go 3 times per week, which is the recommended amount to gain benefit. However, the problem I found is that I would wake up in the morning and decide to have a rest day, promising myself I would make up for it tomorrow. By the end of the week I would be lucky if I had made it to the gym once or twice. I would end up feeling bloated and frustrated.
So the time came for some honest internal dialogue. Why, why, why!?
Questions that start with a why, usually require the answer to start “because”. During a coaching session, this can cause the client to subconsciously feel that they are having to justify themselves. So as I coach I try to avoid asking these types of questions unless I specifically want to explore with the client’s the true reason for their desire to achieve something.
Here is how my internal Why conversation went:-
- Why do I want to go to the gym? – Because it’s good for me.
- Why is it good for you? – Because to strengthens your body and more importantly for me, my heart.
- Why more importantly for you?- Because my mother died from a heart attack at 45
- Why is that age resonating with you? – Because I have just turned 39 and I now realise how young 45 really is!
- Why else is going to the gym important? – Because my father has vascular dementia, so watching my weight, cholesterol and keeping fit will help me avoid suffering from the same condition.
- Why else is going to the gym going to benefit you? – It will help me keep in shape, which will help my confidence levels.
- Why are your confidence levels so important to you? – Erm I’m a confidence coach, so if I can’t keep my confidence up how can I expect my clients to!
So now, I go to the gym 5 times a week. It’s the right balance for me because I just do it every weekday and have the whole weekend to relax and recover. By using the power of “why” I was also able to add weight to the importance so that I kept understanding some of reason for going to the gym.
You can lead a horse to water
02 years ago
but you can’t make it drink…
You can recommend someone gets themselves a life coach, but you can’t make them change for the better.
One thing I’ve really noticed about coaching is how the whole experience has to be driven by the person receiving the coaching or “coachee”. I have often provided people with a one off free trial telephone coaching session so that they can get a better understanding of what coaching is and how it works. Additionally it helps them decided whether they have any connection with me, which I personally believe to be vital for coaching and is the core reason I do offer this free taster session.
During the free session, it very quickly becomes clear to me the people that will go on to purchase coaching, either from me or even another coach. How do I know? One word pretty much sums it up, commitment. The client has to be committed to wanting to change and just that realisation in itself is often enough to put a coachee off completely. They result in reeling off a stream of reasons why coaching isn’t right for them at this time. Ultimately they are absolutely right, coaching isn’t what they need right now, because their current situation is actually less uncomfortable than the thought of having to work at changing some part of themselves. Sadly this can leave them in their victim story line that they use to justify not changing, because really, in their eyes, it’s out of their control.
It used to really sadden me when I thought someone would benefit from coaching but they simply weren’t up for it. Now I realise, the time isn’t right for them, in fact the right time may never come, but ultimately that is their choice and it will be their story. I no longer feel sorry for them, or disappointed in myself for not being able to provide them with the support I thought they needed. I do hold the belief that when they are ready, when the thought of change becomes less fearful than the thought of remaining the same, I’ll be ready a raring to support them in every way I can.
I’m scared to make changes
02 years ago
Sometimes, I’m surprised that people avoid change like the plauge!
I can remember once my partner turning to me and in a bemused voice said
“You always see change as something positive, don’t you”, well yes I guess that I do. That’s isn’t to say that change always works out to be perfectly for me. Often it needs tweaking along the way to stop it from becoming a complete disaster!
I’ve had clients tell me that they are scared to make changes to their life as they are worried about the person they will become. This type of fear can become completely overwhelming and trap the client into their circumstances.
If you were to remain the same, would you be happy?
If you were able to overcome the issues you are putting up with today, would you be happy?
What scares you more, remaining the same or overcoming your challenges?
Career and Placement Coaching
02 years ago
There are a lot of people out there now that are looking for a new job. I’m not just talking about those people who have been unfortunate enough to lose their job. People who are currently employed are equally troubled by today’s job market.
It’s a buyers market right now. What I mean by that is the companies looking to taken on extra staff are not only few and far between, and therefore creating a limited supply problem, but the number of people unemployed is extremely high. So with the limited number of jobs being offered tied in with there’s a lot of frustration for anyone looking for work.
People who are currently employed have an even harder time looking for a new job. Firstly most people will have to provide some length of notice period. Although this can be 1 week, 1 month, 3 months etc, they are instantly at a disadvantage to someone who is currently “between jobs” with exactly the same or less experience.
Whether you are employed or between jobs right now, getting access to your own personal coach will provide you with the edge that you need to make a difference.
Low risk and Low cost alternative to One to One telephone coaching.
Don’t have the time or the space cash right now for one to one telephone coaching? Why not consider coaching via email?
Sign up now for coaching via email
.
So you want to do things the hard way?!
02 years ago
Great!
Because coaching isn’t for wimps.
People often mistake coaching for an excuse to let someone else take the reigns. Letting your coach tell you where you went wrong and how to correct it. Giving you step by step instructions on how to make things in your life better beyond your wildest dreams! Just some of the coaches also subscribe to some more interesting concepts such as:-
- The Law of Attraction – where just simply thinking and wishing something to be true magically bends the universe into providing it. I’m all for postivite thinking and the benefits, but if you want to cross a busy road, you have to actually cross it, no amount of wishfull thinking with teleport you to the other side.
- Tapping your way to a better life – by repeated poking various parts of your face and body whilst repeating a string of enthusiastic statements will alter your thoughts and ultimately your reality.
- 5 Steps to becoming as rich and popular as me*. Well not me but someone who is willing to tell you everything you need to do for a fail proof systematized way of living. All for the life changing bargain price of just $497. But wait! You also get X, Y and Z completely FREE (Valued at $17,000).
Coaching is not a quick fix. It really does take time and a lot of hard work on the clients part to make some significant life changes. Your coach will challenge, test and double check that you have really thought about and talked through your chosen subject. So before taking out any kind of coaching, you will have to ask yourself:-
Do I really want to change?
Ultimately only the client can put into action the plans that your coach will help you design. So if you aren’t absolutely sure about wanting this change it’s unlikely that having a coach will or even should try to convince you otherwise.
A coach can help you with the motivation, planing, scheduling, goal setting, brain storming and provide you with the space in which you can let your creativity run wild.
So do you want change bad enough or are you already feeling that you would just rather put up and settle?
Who to vote for Obama or McCain?
03 years ago
As a coach, of course I’d never tell you who to vote for as that would be me expressing my opinion and directing you to complete a course of action that you hadn’t chosen. The power of coaching is asking you questions that will challenge your way of thinking to provoke a response that you will own.
So first question really is are you going to vote? If not, ask yourself what harm could it do to vote?
Second who are you going to vote for? Still unsure who is your favorite? Then instead of selecting the BEST candidate, think about eliminating the WORST candidate. Remember that your vote isn’t just about getting someone in, it’s also about keeping someone OUT!
With whatever choice you make, just give it some time to really think it through. It’s your choice. Rarely do we get the opportunity to make such choices so relish this one and make the most of it.
GOOD LUCK AMERICA
The world is watching you!
Life Coaching
13 years ago
Are you thinking about getting a coach?
Have you been coached in the past?
Are you a coach and either self-coach or do you have your own coach?
I’d love to hear about your experiences and thoughts on coaching. As a life coach myself I tend to self-coach more often than not however when I have had the chance to be coached by someone else I’ve always come away feeling that I’ve discovered something new and exciting in myself and a renewed sense of direction. Breaking down the unmanageable into the achievable never ceases to amaze me. Coaching also gives you the chance to review and reflect what could have gone better but more importantly what did go well! All too often it’s easier to get wrapped up in the troubles that we have endured rather than celebrating the success and the achievements.
Let me know what are your experiences and results from coaching.
Stuck in a rut.
03 years ago
Sometimes clients come away from a series of coaching sessions and proudly proclaim that they are no longer stuck in a rut!
So what changed?
Take an example of someone that hates doing presentations and spends most of their energy either trying to avoid them or rush them through so fast in an attempt to shorten the pain. What would happen if they gave themselves the time and breathing space to actually figure out why this was causing them so much anxiety? If they could take a step back and consider what were the blocking issues stopping them from just doing it and doing it to the best of their ability. They could then spend their energy and time on breaking down the hard issues in to more manageable chunks. The next this you know is that you have 10 small easy actions to take rather than just one huge daunting presentation!
As you progress through the coaching sessions you become more adept and agile at this way of thinking and working. It’s at that point that most people have found that they now have the tools to lift themselves out of almost any rut.
I can’t because…..
04 years ago
- I’m too busy
- Who would look after the kids?
- I can’t afford it
- It’s too risky
- My partner wouldn’t approve
- I’ve never done it before
- I don’t know how
- I failed last time
- Christmas is here and I’m too busy
There are always lots of reasons why you didn’t do something you promised you would. These are called barriers or blocks. The great thing about coaching is that its goal focused. So although we may look at why you haven’t done things, we won’t focus on what went wrong but how we can overcome these problems and barriers the next time. As we break down each block you’ll become aware of how easy your goal really is and that the only thing that was truely getting in your way was YOU!
Learn to speak positive
04 years ago
Often I work with clients that are incredibly talented at speaking negativity. When we first start working together it never ceases to amaze me how clients can put a negative spin on almost anything.
Teaching my clients to rephrase sentences in a positive way is often the first step to self improvement. Allowing yourself to work towards something positive rather than away from something negative.
One way to refocus your attention in a positive way is to consider first what will you gain from working towards and achieving your goal.
“I want to stop smoking” becomes “I’m going to be more healthy and smoke free”
“I want to loose 10lbs” becomes “In ten weeks I’ll be able to fit into my expensive jeans again”
This type of rephrasing takes time. Most people have been negatively phrasing things for years and it’s not possible to just flick a switch. Becoming aware of it is the first step, learning to rephrase is the second. Finally you’ll find it becomes automatic.
Practise makes perfect!
