I was browsing Yahoo answers today and came across this plea for help in the Gay and Lesbian section.

My mum actually hates me!?

I told her I was gay (lesbian) like back in June I think...

Anyways she keeps making these little remarks about how I'm 'wrong' and the whole thing is 'disgusting'.

It's gotten worse over the past few weeks and I just don't know what to do anymore.

It's nearly on a daily basis now she makes me feel sh*t for something I can't change. And then I start feeling uncomfortable with my sexuality. Like I think I'm starting to dislike it about myself now.

I'm 17 so can't even get away until I go to uni.

Got any advice on how to deal?

It always breaks my heart when I hear of the struggles that people still have to go through when coming out. So I took a few minutes to reply with the following:-

Hi there, 

Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear that your mum is reacting so badly towards you during this time is self discovery. I too had a bad coming out situation. My father sent me to a psychologist, my brother beat me up, and my sister stopped me from touching her children. It really was awful. 
But as I grew up and it became clear to them that I wasn't just going through a phase they slowly came around. My mother died when I was 14 so I didn't have the chance to find out what she would have thought.

One thing that surprised me was how difficult it was for my family to express themselves. Maybe it's part of being British that we are crap at telling people that we are scared. We end up saying silly things and not what we actually mean.

Your mum most likely doesn't hate you. She is just confused, worried and probably feels like she has failed in bringing you up in some way. The result is anger and frustration.

The first thing you could do is to take her out for a coffee of lunch, somewhere that isn't at home. This is so you are both on neutral ground. Tell her that you want to talk, don't try to spring it on her. 
When you are out and talking, listen to her, find out why she is so upset first. Then explain to her how some of the things she is saying to you is hurting you. She may think she is giving you 'tough love' to help you. But explain that it's actually pushing you away from her.

Take time to understand her, and help her understand you.

I'm actually a gay confidence coach and this is something I deal with every day. Why not pop over to the website and watch the Pixar video. Because although life is hard right now, it really does get better.

http://www.gayconfidencecoach.com/2010/11/25/it-gets-better-love-pixar/

Don't hesitate to email me from the site if you want to talk more, or just tell me how you get on.

All the best
Paul

The person asking the question, very kindly rated my answer the best one. I’d love to know what kind of advice others would have given her. Let me know.