“You look good today.”

“I like your new haircut.”

“We were really proud when we heard the news.”

How many times have you heard variations on the above? You meet up with friends or family, and they pass comment on how you look, or recent events you’ve shared with them. Do you listen to the words, absorb them, and get a feeling of warmth from them? Or do you think to yourself, “Well, that’s all very well, but what aren’t you telling me?”

Why is it that the bad stuff tends to be easier to believe?

In our day to day lives, we come across both praise and criticism from a wide variety of sources. Family and friends, work colleagues, even the media. Whether it’s a comment about our appearance, how we’re doing at work, things we’ve achieved or projects that have fallen flat. Society has its own comments to make about body shape, how to dress, even the colour of your hair can draw praise or criticism.

So why do we find it easier to listen to the bad stuff?

Compliments are good. Being told something positive about yourself, whether from someone you’re close to, or a passing acquaintance, should really lift the spirits. Just the fact that someone has taken the time to let you know, should have you feeling noticed and appreciated. In truth though, how many of us really take these things at face value?

For many, being complimented is at best a source of embarrassment, or at worst, a thinly veiled attack. Have you ever found yourself wondering whether someone is simply saying something nice to detract from something terrible they don’t want to say to you? “Okay, maybe they think my hair looks good …. but why do they keep looking at my coat like that?”

The world today is fast, furious, instant and demanding. The pressures to perform well have grown, both in a personal and professional capacity. All this brings an increased sense of expectation that we have to be at our best, doing our best, all the time. Which, let’s face it, can be a pretty tall order.

So it’s easy to believe that we can’t possibly be doing well, because of the pressures we are putting on ourselves. Whether it’s keeping up with the “Jones’” or knowing there’s still that other piece of work you haven’t finished yet. It’s like the day is never quite long enough, we feel there is always something more we should do.

All any of us can really do though is our best; to try and acknowledge our limits, our strengths and weaknesses; to improve what can be improved, and accept what cannot. And if someone should say something nice, something good about us – try taking it at face value and say “Thank you.” And mean it!

(BTW just in case you were wondering the title of this blog comes from a line in the film Pretty Woman)
Vivian: People put you down enough, you start to believe it.
Edward Lewis: I think you are a very bright, very special woman.
Vivian: The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?