Being out in business is a very sensitive subject. It depends on so many factors such as the industry you work in, the location of your office, the country you live in, the ethos of the company, the understanding of your boss and the position you hold.

No one else can decide whether or not you should come out in business except you. Then who you come out to can be just as confusing. Do you come out to people in your team or just a select few? Will it benefit you by being able to talk to your boss about what you did over the weekend without having to replace the pronoun with something more ambiguous like “my partner” or even worse change their sex altogether!

What is appropriate? Chances are if you work in a gay bar, hairdressers or another area that extremely gay friendly you don’t even have to think about it. But what if you work in a a shop, office or in manual labour?

It’s time to put yourself in their shoes. Think about how your relationship with someone would change if you were more open  with them, but consider just how open you should be. A work mate may like to hear about how you went out to a party or club at the weekend, but not really the details of who or how many people you picked up! They may be delighted to hear you have a long term partner and how you had a quite pleasant weekend relaxing and shopping as this will give them something to relate to and enable them to indulge in a little small talk during work breaks. There is nothing worse than having to sit in awkward silence with people you have to spend 8 hours a day with.

One trick I have learned is to be honest and assume that they already know. If they ask about your weekend, tell them, without divulging too much detail; if you mention your partner, use their name rather than he/she/we. This simple act of naming a partner or friend suddenly makes them more real, rather than just some object that “dare not speak it’s name“. The second part of the trick is to assume they already know. This really is a killer tactic. Just by simply thinking “I don’t have to explain, as they already know” the pressure is completely taken off you and placed fairly and squarely on them. You’ll see their thought process often displayed on their face as if they have one of those LED banners scrolling across their forehead. Some of the messages you may read are:-

“Ooh, he’s Gay, oooooooh my god, he’s GAY, quick act cool, clearly I’m supposed to know, or at least he thinks I do, OMG he’s GAY, act cool, act COOL!”

“Bless, he’s gay, I thought he was, glad we have got that out of the way”

“…is he gay? He never said he was but he keeps mentioning some guys name all the time like that’s his partner… oh man I’m confused, I’ll just keep talking, maybe it will come out in conversation, he he he “come out” he he he, oh I lost track, what was he saying?”

“I knew he was gay, Barbara owes me a drink”

Whatever happens, you’ll have a pretty good idea if they want to continue the conversation or they have had enough. Either way just how much you reveal is always up to you. By reading the facial expressions/messages you can judge for yourself what would be appropriate.