In conjunction with my podcasting friends I’ve have begun to arrange a meet up in central London. If you are around the area on the 19th November why not come along and meet other like minded people interested in personal development and growth!

http://www.meetup.com/actionpodcast

Being out in business is a very sensitive subject. It depends on so many factors such as the industry you work in, the location of your office, the country you live in, the ethos of the company, the understanding of your boss and the position you hold.

No one else can decide whether or not you should come out in business except you. Then who you come out to can be just as confusing. Do you come out to people in your team or just a select few? Will it benefit you by being able to talk to your boss about what you did over the weekend without having to replace the pronoun with something more ambiguous like “my partner” or even worse change their sex altogether!

What is appropriate? Chances are if you work in a gay bar, hairdressers or another area that extremely gay friendly you don’t even have to think about it. But what if you work in a a shop, office or in manual labour?

It’s time to put yourself in their shoes. Think about how your relationship with someone would change if you were more open  with them, but consider just how open you should be. A work mate may like to hear about how you went out to a party or club at the weekend, but not really the details of who or how many people you picked up! They may be delighted to hear you have a long term partner and how you had a quite pleasant weekend relaxing and shopping as this will give them something to relate to and enable them to indulge in a little small talk during work breaks. There is nothing worse than having to sit in awkward silence with people you have to spend 8 hours a day with.

One trick I have learned is to be honest and assume that they already know. If they ask about your weekend, tell them, without divulging too much detail; if you mention your partner, use their name rather than he/she/we. This simple act of naming a partner or friend suddenly makes them more real, rather than just some object that “dare not speak it’s name“. The second part of the trick is to assume they already know. This really is a killer tactic. Just by simply thinking “I don’t have to explain, as they already know” the pressure is completely taken off you and placed fairly and squarely on them. You’ll see their thought process often displayed on their face as if they have one of those LED banners scrolling across their forehead. Some of the messages you may read are:-

“Ooh, he’s Gay, oooooooh my god, he’s GAY, quick act cool, clearly I’m supposed to know, or at least he thinks I do, OMG he’s GAY, act cool, act COOL!”

“Bless, he’s gay, I thought he was, glad we have got that out of the way”

“…is he gay? He never said he was but he keeps mentioning some guys name all the time like that’s his partner… oh man I’m confused, I’ll just keep talking, maybe it will come out in conversation, he he he “come out” he he he, oh I lost track, what was he saying?”

“I knew he was gay, Barbara owes me a drink”

Whatever happens, you’ll have a pretty good idea if they want to continue the conversation or they have had enough. Either way just how much you reveal is always up to you. By reading the facial expressions/messages you can judge for yourself what would be appropriate.

If I was in a better job, I’d be happier

If I was in a relationship, I’d feel more fulfilled

If I was slimmer, I’d be more confident

If I was more confident, I’d be more successful

If I was more successful, I’d be more wealthy

If I was more A, I’d have, be or do more B

What is your A?

What if you lived your life as if you had already attained it and were doing B?

Imagine, the one thing you believe to be holding you back from having what you want, is just that, a belief. Not something that is really stopping you, but more of a comfort blanket that keeps you warm at night, safe in the knowledge that if you hold on to it then not living your deam is justified.

A bit of a harsh title but this is what I found myself saying when I realised I was worrying far too much about pretty much anything and everything!

You could also use something a little less in your face, like “If it’s important do it, if you’re not doing it, then is it really important?”. I would find myself getting all of a fluster over everything I had not ticked off my never ending list of things to do. I would end up feeling frustrated and convince myself that I’d not achieved anything I had set out to do.

Then I started saying to myself “If it really is important, make the time to allow it to happen”. If it’s still not happening for you, have another look at it. You may find that actually there is a conflict of interest there and your sub conscious is actually doing a useful job for a change! Instead of letting you waste endless hours on a task that actually won’t move you forward, your sub conscious makes you forget it, schedule something over it, or just down right avoid it!

Have a think, is it really going to give you the result you hoped for. Do you really have to do it the way that you first set out. Is there a more suitable day to be doing the task. Finally have you allocated far too little or too much time to the task at hand?