Archive for September, 2009

Why does no one ever flirt with ME?

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2 years ago
by Paul Bailey in

I used to date a guy who would constantly reveal to me moments when someone “cruised” him, or gave him a flirtatious look. I would drive me nuts. Not because I’m jealous, far from it. Much to my husband’s dismay, I don’t suffer jealousy anymore, I was cured of that debiliating disease many years ago, but that is another story!

What really annoyed me was to get cruised you have to be open to the visual signals that someone is interested. I’m the type of person that thought for ages that no one ever flirts with me when I’m walking down the street, or in my local suppermarket. Until I dated this guy and I realised what he was doing. He was actively checking out other people to watch their gaze and provide them with just enough visual feedback to elevate a casual glance into a flirtatous glance, smile or even a sexy flick of their eyebrows. I realised that it was a three way process

  • Person A looks at Person B
  • Person B returns the look and allows their eyes to linger just that bit longer than a glance. If they really want to enourage a response then even the inkling of a smile should be enough.
  • Person A either knowingly or subconciously notices Person B is receptive to a flirt and if they are inclinde will provide it.

As you can see from the above most of the work and manipulation is actually on the part of Person B. Now of course if Person A was particularly obnoxious then they need no encouragement at all. But hopefully you can see from the pattern of events that if you aren’t getting cruised, flirted with or just generally a bit of attention that you’d like, maybe think a bit about providing the visual feed back, or body lanugage that will encourage it!

You can lead a horse to water

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2 years ago
by Paul Bailey in ,

but you can’t make it drink…

You can recommend someone gets themselves a life coach, but you can’t make them change for the better.

One thing I’ve really noticed about coaching is how the whole experience has to be driven by the person receiving the coaching or “coachee”. I have often provided people with a one off free trial telephone coaching session so that they can get a better understanding of what coaching is and how it works. Additionally it helps them decided whether they have any connection with me, which I personally believe to be vital for coaching and is the core reason I do offer this free taster session.

During the free session, it very quickly becomes clear to me the people that will go on to purchase coaching, either from me or even another coach. How do I know? One word pretty much sums it up, commitment. The client has to be committed to wanting to change and just that realisation in itself is often enough to put a coachee off completely. They result in reeling off a stream of reasons why coaching isn’t right for them at this time. Ultimately they are absolutely right, coaching isn’t what they need right now, because their current situation is actually less uncomfortable than the thought of having to work at changing some part of themselves. Sadly this can leave them in their victim story line that they use to justify not changing, because really, in their eyes, it’s out of their control.

It used to really sadden me when I thought someone would benefit from coaching but they simply weren’t up for it. Now I realise, the time isn’t right for them, in fact the right time may never come, but ultimately that is their choice and it will be their story. I no longer feel sorry for them, or disappointed in myself for not being able to provide them with the support I thought they needed. I do hold the belief that when they are ready, when the thought of change becomes less fearful than the thought of remaining the same, I’ll be ready a raring to support them in every way I can.

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